Sometimes you have to inspire yourself before you can inspire others.
A few days ago I was looking over things as it pertains to going to my home convention of AniMaine here in a few months. The con staff (who are all wonderful people) posted the official schedule and much to my surprise I once again will be hosting my annual writing panel Damn Write! (that’s where the name of this column comes from). I got to thinking about all that’s change for me in my life and as a writer since I hosted last year’s panel.
And was a little frightened.
I don’t take the usual method to my panel that a lot of others do. Almost all the other writing panels I’ve been to at conventions were very “Don’t do this!” types. You know the types, the “here is a list of things that I don’t like to read” type panels. No self insets, no Mary sues, no song fics, no this and no that. I hate those panels. I’ve tried to make things more inspirational and highlight creativity instead of just pounding into people’s head how to write. I don’t want to discourage a writer, original or fan fiction.
But as things are, It can be hard sometimes to stay positive to myself, let alone what I would be able to give to a room half full of people. Money has been real tight for me, I’ve seen more rejection emails than I would want to see in a lifetime, and the sales reports of my books aren’t rainbows and sunshine either. Not exactly fills one with hope not only for writing but being able to go and inspire others. Probably won’t do the con much good to go in and mope about how much life sucks for an hour either right?
Then I had one of those moments.
Sitting here thinking about it that little voice in my head, evidently the clearer thinking part of my brain, piped up.
“You are missing the point dumbass!”
And it dawned on me, that little voice (the same voice I picture my character kRaven having) was right. THAT is why I get up there and do those panels. The WORST thing I could probably do is stand up there saying writing professionally is a breeze and that I’m so perfect in doing everything right that it’s a smooth as silk process. My job should be to go up there and tell it like it is. It IS a struggle, whether you get paid to write or not. Nothing is going to be handed to you, you bust your ass like every other profession to make it work out for you. Just like the video producers on this site and others, I too have to work hard to make my writing skills pay off. I don’t have the options they do, I have to find many of my own. That’s part of the process, ANY professional process.
What I needed to remind myself of before that panel was that I wasn’t done with the process. I’m not sure you can be done with that process. Sure, I’m not rolling in money, I’m not a best selling author, and I don’t have the audience here that most of the others do. But considering this time a year ago I was a minimum wage toy associate at Wal-mart with a long unfinished novel, I think I’ve done well for myself. Not well enough to buy fancy things, but well enough to be able to stand in front of people (and also write this for anyone who is reading this) with confidence.
So if there is a point to this all, it’s this. Sometimes it really does help to sit back and put out of your mind what you haven’t achieved yet and look back at what you have. Have goals in mind, but remember that getting there is a process that is not going to happen overnight.
And that you should sometimes listen to some of the voices in your head. *twitch twitch*
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