Rarely does a sequel, especially of a cheesy movie, have more substance than the first. Passion of the Crust starts out recapping the first movie and even adding a little more information. The serial killer’s mother was actually a witch. She delivered his ashes to the bakery in the first film.

The first scene of the movie is in a dungeon with terrible acting and the most absurd puppetry I have ever seen. It was like Labyrinth and Meet the Feebles combined to make a movie for the RiffTrax/MST3K crew. I got the sense that it was either a play or a movie scene shot inside the movie, but the scene went on for so long I started to believe this was what I was in store for the entire movie. Turns out, they are shooting a cheesy horror film. They could have pretended to act instead of making middle school theater look like Stratford Festival gold.

Kelvin Cheatum, who has the worst trust-fund-douchebag smile. is trying to keep his bad-horror-movie-mogul father’s movie studio going, but he sucks at it. The studio is close to being shut down and a certain movie critic/blogger is making sure people are boycotting companies that have it. Meanwhile, Make A Wish knockoff representative Heather has brought little Tommy (clearly an adult) to the studio as his last wish. One of the cast members brings in baked goods for the crew, which contains the giant GingerDead man (do prop makers/directors not know gingerbread men are about six inches tall, not two feet?). She calls them “sweets” but I saw an English muffin in there. Whomever was in charge of these details must have thought ‘no one is going to see this movie. What the hell? Put whatever we can find in there!’

The entire movie feels like a porn director tried to make a horror movie based on something Tommy Wiseau would write. It could have broken into a porn at any time and it would not have been out of place. There were sex scenes with the GingerDead man! The gay makeup director is sodomized with a hot iron, and likes it. I do not know whether to be offended or roll my eyes. In fact, this would have made a decently bad porn. The baking puns were good; there were not too many of them so they did not get old. The only major gripe I have is that the movie went on too long. They could have ended it 15 minutes before and cut out a lot of trailing plot.

This sequel is much better than the first. If you like movies that are truly terrible for the novelty, this is worth your while. Since it recaps the first, you do not have to sit through it and be bored out of your mind. It is on Hulu for free (they call it Bakery of Blood for some reason) and a one-time watch. 6/10.

Check out Ingrid Webb’s erotica on Kindle!

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