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Gotta bitch about wrasslin’!


Hey, Gang! Hope things are going well for you.

So a few weeks ago the WWE held the 2017 version of the Royal Rumble. This event has always been a favorite of mine even if things turned out not so good in the end. In the last 3 years the Rumble match has been a disappointment, but this year the Rumble was stacked with guys like The Undertaker, Braun Strowman, Brock Lesnar, Goldberg, and a bunch of others. Best of all, no one really knew who was going to win. Betting odds were all over the place and the WWE hadn’t tipped their hat on how this was going to turn out.  So who would get the coveted spot to go to Wrestlemania and face the champion?

Now, the rest of the show was a mixed bag. Cena vs. Styles was an incredible match. Owens vs. Reigns was really good as well. The rest was rather forgettable, though. But really the only match that really matters is the Rumble. Everyone remembers who wins the Rumble, not all the other stuff that happened.

And the Rumble was pretty awful.

I don’t know who was the one who put this year’s Rumble match together, but they should be fired. This Rumble match pretty much is the opposite of what people expected and more importantly, WANTED in the rumble. This isn’t just about the end, but the entire match was not very well put together and dare I call it the laziest Rumble match I’ve ever seen.

One of the things I picked up on fairly early in the match is that there were long periods of time of nothing going on. Now I don’t mean the usual lulls in a Rumble match where there are 8 to 10 guys wandering around the ring punching each other and randomly trying to eliminate each other. This year’s Rumble someone decided that two guys would get in their spot and everyone else would just lay down on the canvas and play dead so that the camera shot wasn’t ruined. Who thought this was a good idea? Doesn’t make for an action packed match when everyone just lays around doing absolutely nothing until their choreographed spot comes up. Get up off your ass and RUMBLE! The worst of it was Chris Jericho. He supposedly lasted 61 minutes in the match but most of the time he would just lay outside the ring or hide with the broadcasters. Not so much in an over the top heel way, but in a lazy “I don’t have to do anything for 61 minutes” kind of way. It didn’t lead to anything special or interesting. When it was his time to go he was just fed to the big monsters like everyone else.

Speaking of the big monsters. It didn’t take long to figure out that most of these guys were just lined up for guys like Strowman, Lesnar, and the Undertaker to eliminate. Sure there were some fun spots, but let’s face it, Vince’s boner for the big guys is still there, even if he needs Viagra to keep it going.

Another sticking point that many people have issued was the lack of real surprises in the entrants in the match. Sure, there was Tye Dillinger at number 10. Awesome call, but then he promptly did a whole lot of nothing and was tossed out and we haven’t seen him since. Did we really need Kalisto or Mark Henry in this match?  At least someone like Jack Gallagher did something interesting and added to the match while most of these lunks did diddley squat and got tossed out to make Strongman or Lesnar look good. You had Samoa Joe sitting on the sidelines ready to go. Seth Rollins had a good storyline leading into this show and he isn’t on the show at all? Lazy booking.

And of course, there was Roman Reigns who was the “surprise” number 30. The WWE literally shit on this match with this idea. I don’t care if it was done to make the outcome seem “better” so the crowd didn’t crap on the match for the 4th year in a row. But maybe you should worry about giving people what they want instead tricking people so you don’t get another disaster on TV.

And of course the winner. Randy Orton? Yeah, I’m sorry but does anyone really want to see Orton winning the Rumble and main eventing Wrestlemania in 2017. Randy had hit shot multiple times and no matter who he faces, it’s still Randy Orton. He’s been part of a storyline that has bubbled under into the midcard for months now. He’s been having a feud with Luke Harper for cryin’ out loud. That isn’t exactly a stepping stone to the main event.

Frankly, with 4 years of disappointing Rumbles, I can’t really hold it in the same regard anymore. This show has basically turned into the “Vince McMahon annual fuck you to the people who built his empire” more than anything. And with not one, but two more pay-per-views between this show and Wrestlemania, it has become less and less important as time went on.

Sorry to say, but you can disappoint fans so many time before they aren’t fans anymore.


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